Even Brides Have Wardrobe Malfunctions

As I sit in my nice hotel room in Dallas, I am currently being serenaded by Snoop Dogg. He's rollin' down the street, sippin' on gin and juice. There have also been floor rattling appearances by Fergie, The Village People, and whoever solidified his place in Hell by "singing" The Macarena. Drunken guests shriek as the Electric Slide starts to play, and then charge to the dance floor fueled by liquid courage, courtesy of the open bar.

As you may have concluded by this point, there is a wedding taking place at my hotel. No sooner did my room door click shut, the party began 8 floors below me in the Atrium. I want to know when I can expect a dinner plate and a piece of wedding cake delivered to my door?? I may as well be a guest! I should lean over my balcony and join in the current chanting "Go Gina, Go Gina! Back that thang up!".

I'm sure the front desk has gotten angry, venom spitting calls throughout the night, and I just don't think I want to add to the mess. What is Miss Front Desk superstar going to do? Walk up to the bride and tell her to close up shop? This day (hopefully) only happens once for her...

Now, regarding the title of my post. I don't mean to sound totally cold hearted and judgemental when stating the bride should NOT have been wearing the dress she had on.

I'm hoping that:
A) She is visually impaired, therefore could not see the dress she was trying on.
B) Her bridesmaids couldn't make it to the dress fitting/final selection day.
C) The dress shop had a freak accident where all the mirrors broke the morning she came to try her dress on, and she had to rely on the advice of the commission based saleswoman.
D) The beautiful dress she chose got lost by the airlines, and she had to wear an alternative dress that happened to be 6 sizes too small, inadvertently showcasing the gigantic tattoo covering her back and arms.

I'm reaching here people!

p.s. In all the hussle bussle of the dress fiasco, she must have forgotten to discuss her music playlist with the DJ. I know this for sure, because "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion just came on. Excuse me, I need to go kill somebody.