How to Stay Married for 31 Years
My parents celebrated their 31st wedding anniversary this week.
I wanted to tell you a little about them. I admire them. I look to them for inspiration. And most importantly, I wanted to show off some of their amazingly retro wedding photos.
After both leaving the east coast, they headed west. Who wouldn't want beaches and sunshine? After a few years, they met in California. My dad was my mom's eye doctor. Ha! What a movie script.
On their first date they played tennis and future-dad cooked future-mom dinner. Not just any dinner, but linguine and clams. Delish! She fell for the wily ways of the Italian. Way to go Pops.
My parents were hippies. They were married in a beautiful field. They walked down the aisle to the sounds of a guitar, surrounded by friends and wildflowers.
They took wedding photos of themselves running towards each other, arms outstretched, just-married-happiness grins on their faces, and then.... they totally miss each others embrace and continue to run along in the field, arms outstretched. Comedy!
I'm not under any illusions that my parent's 31 year marriage is by any means the norm these days. That makes me sad.
I am grateful for the endless lessons that my parents taught us growing up, but I think I was most impressed by the way they loved each other. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't without contention. We're Italian. Of course there were some passionate raised voices over the years! But there were never fights. Or, atleast none that we ever heard.
There was never a night where my father and mother weren't home together, kissing us goodnight, tucking us in (and fighting/negotiating with us to say our family prayers. sorry about that.).
They each have very different love languages. They learned (and are still learning) how to speak to each other.
They showed each other patience, tenacity, hard work, selflessness, love, creativity, individualism, respect, silliness, support, team work. I learned from this.
They created their life together, and continued creating themselves individually. The successes in their individual lives only added to the successes they experienced as a couple. I learned from this.
And the laughs.....oh the laughs!!! Admittedly, many times it was at the expense of my poor, sweet mother! She was just so fun to play with. Or, at the caliber of my father's roll-your-eyes jokes.
A man who will appreciate and support my independence, but will know the balance needed for "us".
Someone who will be silly and serious with me. Someone who will want to travel the world with me. Someone who will look for adventure and opportunity for us to experience together.
Someone who doesn't ever stop learning about the world, about me, about themselves. Someone not afraid to show intelligence, intuitiveness, kindness.
This future man has my parents to thank for this list! But I think whoever this future dude is, he won't see it as intimidating. He'll just check off every part as he reads along.
They helped me realize that it is possible to have this happiness.
Thank you mom and dad for loving each other so much! Your two daughters were watching and learning along the way.
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