Serious Hair - A Portrait Series

Because we are a very serious couple, Steve and I have been documenting very serious portrait series (a.k.a. right when he wakes up). 

it's called: Boycott the Brush

I think we should make this into a coffee table book..... or one of those books you look through at the salon to pick out your cut. 

 

The electrocuted

The side spike

The fauxhawk

The messy preppy

The rip curl

The "I don't fit on the couch with my computer"

The rhino horn

The parted Red Sea

The curly q

The undecided

The wave

Mushroom and Kale Lasagna

Let's begin this post with my "what are you making for dinner" text from my dear, darling S. I love making dinner, especially since he usually loves what I cook. However, it's a struggle to sometimes get him to think outside the Wisconsin-steak-potato box. He's asked me in the past to make lasagna, so last night I was feeling a little ambitious and asked him to pick up a few ingredients at the store. He then started to tell me how to cook my lasagna. 

Um. No.

In short - he picked up the goods I requested only because I promised that he'd enjoy it. Aaaaand, he may have poured himself a large glass of wine to calm his food anxiety.thank you for the vote of confidence!

Mushroom Kale Lasagna is not exactly a traditional Italian family recipe...but healthy substitutes which don't change flavor are always welcome in my book! I kinda winged the recipe, which is my favorite way of cooking! So I'll try to remember exactly how I made this!

First, I got out my immersion blender / cup because I couldn't find the top to my food processor. This was a little more difficult to blend up the kale, but it all worked out in the end. You want the kale to end up in tiny, small pieces.

blended up kale smells gross, just an FYI

Next is the moment where the term "mise en place" comes into play. Three things cooking on the stove is only successful if you're ready for each step ahead of time. 

Making grandma's "fast sauce", frying up the turkey with some garlic, salt and pepper, and cooking whole wheat lasagna noodles. Keep in mind, that if you have a larger/wider pot, it will be easier to pre-cook without having them break. Cook just short of al-dente, as you'll be baking the whole shabang later on.

Mix in the almost-pureed kale with the ground turkey, and toss in about 1 container of chopped mushrooms because your boyfriend MUST have mushrooms. I sprinkled on garlic salt and pepper for good measure. Hey that kinda rhymes...

Make sure the cooked lasagna noodles are dried before rolling them up with your cheese mixture. Lay flat on parchment or wax paper and incessantly pat dry with paper towels if you're impatient and hungry like me. FYI, paper towels stick to drying noodles. oops.

So, because my boyfriend is stuck in small food-box, he doesn't like aka won't try ricotta. So, I made half the batch with ricotta, which is how normal, delicious lasagna should be made. Then the other half with his cheesy-mixture-that-isnt-right. 

I mixed half the kale/turkey/mushroom pan with 15 oz of ricotta cheese and about 2 handfuls of Parmesan. Spoon out onto the noodle, and roll up. I know that's not traditional lasagna, but it makes serving one portion so much easier when it's all cooked and gooey. Believe me! This will change your lasagna-cutting life!

Roll up all pretty like this

Spoon enough of your delicious homemade (or not) sauce into the base of a deep pan to cover all metal. Place your pretty little baby rolls seam side down, or against the pan wall so they don't unravel during cooking.

Oh yes - I forgot to tell you the modified cheesy insides I made for my picky eater man. 2 handfuls of Parmesan, 2 handfuls of an Italian shredded cheese blend, the other half of the turkey/kale/mushroom mix, and one egg (whisked) to keep all the cheesy stuff together. Spoon out onto noodles and roll just like I did with the ricotta.

Cover your pretty noodles with more sauce and more cheese until you feel good about yourself. Bake at 350 degrees for.... oh I don't remember. I think I baked for 20ish minutes? Maybe 10? I can't remember. I'm a bad chef. Just keep an eye on it so it doesn't crisp up too much. Take out when it's bubbly and gooey.

Here is the final version of the ricotta side of the pan. Remember how S. said he hated kale, hated turkey? Ok, maybe he didn't say hated... But he hated on my healthified idea. 

Yes, I remember too.

Well, he had 3 servings last night and yelled at me today for taking leftovers to work.

Mama Amy knows best. But I still love you, my picky eater. You take most of my energy...but I'll admit most of it is by laughing. ;)

So my attempt at a legit recipe:

Mushroom Kale Lasagna

1 package lasagna noodles (I used whole wheat)

2 jars of sauce or equivalent if you're making from scratch

1 bunch of kale

15 oz ricotta

16 oz shredded Parmesan

16 oz shredded Italian cheese

minced garlic (cook in with ground turkey/kale/mushrooms)

1 lb ground turkey

1 small box of mushrooms

salt and pepper to taste

Video is Up! TEDx Phoenix Change.

It is a bizarre, awkward, semi-embarrassing thing, watching yourself speak on video.

That being said, I really am happy to see the video from the TEDx talk I did a little while ago. 

there are certainly things that I wish I did better, articulated more clearly, didn't ramble on about forever.

I'm human. 

We make mistakes. We don't always say the right thing. We don't always make the facial expression that matches our intent.

I'm learning slowly to just accept what I could give in that moment. 

The past is always 20/20! I hate that quote. but it's true.

I wish someone would have burst through my office door today and said.... Just Kidding!!!! That was your practice run! You've analyzed your presentation to bits.... Now it's time to do the real thing!

But I know that's not real life. 

So I'll smile and be happy and grateful for the opportunity - no matter how dorky I feel. I know that people who truly care about me will not pick me apart. They are able to feel happy alongside me.

The Human Moment: TEDx Phoenix Change

TEDx Phoenix Change

"We'd like you to speak about Positive Disruption. In 2 weeks."

Steve not very happy that he had to hold the "x". Hahaha. Goof!

This is what I heard on the other end of my telephone line about a month ago. My jaw dropped, my heart skipped a beat, my stomach turned. 

I'll back up one year. I was at TEDx Manhattan Beach with Steve. Remember that day when he told me to pack my bags, that he had bought me a ticket to California and we were going to a TED talk about empowering women? 

So... me being me during the question and answer session, I had a lot to say about the women I work with, how their lives truly change once they feel empowered and begin to trust in their own abilities. There were some people in the audience making these generalized, sweeping statements about women in Afghanistan and how "no women are able to conduct business" etc. etc.... I was appalled. Especially since I had just returned from Afghanistan and had physically witnessed many courageous, intelligent, tenacious women entrepreneurs succeeding in business!

So.... I had to speak up at the TED talk. Then, the oddest thing happened: The audience started asking me questions. Afterwards, I had a line of people who wanted to talk to me and learn more about what I do, what the women I work with are like. I was absolutely astounded by the lack of factual information out there about a women's ability to successfully run a business in emerging economies.

Long story short, the organizer of the event said he thought I should give a TED talk in Phoenix, and he was going to introduce me to the organizers here locally.... I shrugged my shoulders, said "sure, why not". I have a bad habit of not believing people will do something until I actually see it done. He did introduce me to the organizers....but I didn't hear anything back from them. Sigh... I knew it wouldn't work out.

But then a month ago my phone rang. And everything changed.

I gave my TEDx talk in front of a crowd of about 250 people at the gorgeous Tempe Historical Museum. The room had high ceilings and glass windows. As I stood on the stage during our practice, I felt calm and confident. Not what I expected to feel. 

It was clear in my head that I was only telling stories. Moments, impressions, details of experiences that have changed me forever. As I clicked through my PowerPoint slide show of photos, each woman's face beamed with a smile, and I felt like they were with me. I felt like I was telling their story for them. A story of courage, of strength, of success. My friends from Pakistan, Haiti and Afghanistan were right there with me on stage. I felt their strength.

Once the talk goes live on the TED site, I'll share the video. For now, here are a few silly pictures my family and friends took. I'm so grateful for their support, for their hours of listening and critiquing my practice sessions, whiteboard sessions, and stress semi-meldowns! I love you!

How to Respond to Criticism - by Fred Kofman

“What a stupid idea!” your colleague bursts out. “It will never work.”

How can you respond?

Say, “You are wrong,” and you escalate the conflict.

Say, “I am wrong,” and you betray yourself.

Your colleague must have not read my previous post about humility. Or if he did, he must have been the one who commented that it was a stupid article.

Here are a several ways to deal with criticism.

An Ounce of Prevention

The only way to win a fight with a colleague is not to have it. Beating him will get you, at best, a defeated resentful opponent.

Here are four general strategies that reduce conflicts. They don’t guarantee you will avoid them, but minimize their probability.

Should they happen, they increase your odds of resolving them constructively. They create a positive predisposition towards collaborative relationships.

If you face an arrogant attack, they will help expose its irrationality, not only to you, but also to others who might frown upon your critic's strong-arm tactics. If you face constructive criticism, they will help you and your critic turn the fight into a dance.

These strategies are not “nice” in the sense that they allow anybody to state whatever opinion they want. They are “clarifying” in the sense they eliminate the fog of war that prevents rational discussion. They are rules of engagement similar to the ones of the scientific method, which focus on reason and evidence. They take hostility out of the equation, allowing for a logical consideration of the different points of view.

1. Speak with humility. Present your argument in safe language, as I described here. Own your opinions. Present them in first person as the conclusion of your reasoning process. This gives others the chance to present a different opinion without clashing with yours. For example, when you say, “In light of the evidence from the focus groups, I believe that the marketing campaign is ready to launch.” you make room for your counterpart to say, “I disagree. The focus groups may have liked the ads, but our retailers are not convinced.”
   
2. Listen with respect. Pay attention to others’ arguments, as I described here, especially when you disagree with them. Reciprocity is the most powerful influence you can exert. If you genuinely try to understand their perspective, they are more likely to try to understand yours. For example, when you say, “It worries me that the retailers are not convinced, what do you suggest we do about it?” you neither discount his data nor yours. This allows both of you to examine all perspectives.
   
3. Choose your battle. If the disagreement is a matter of personal preferences, there is no need to agree. It is futile to argue whether chocolate “tastes” better than strawberry. It may taste better to you, and it may taste worse to him. Unless a joint decision is necessary, it is best to agree to disagree. The desire to “be right” fuels fights that serve no practical purpose.
   
4. Choose your battlefield. Culture can be defined as “the way we do things around here”. If you live in a culture where might makes right, your humility and respect will weaken you. Bullies will always win out in bully-land. Or at least until the group is eliminated by fitter competitors. Reason always beats force in the long term. If you don´t want to go the way of the dinosaurs, evolve to a more rational niche.

In spite of your preventative actions, you may need to face an arrogant attack. It`s time to apply verbal aikido.

A Pound of Cure

If someone pushes you, what do you feel like doing?

Push back.

If you push back, what does she feel like doing?

Push harder.

She pushes, you push back, she pushes harder, you push back harder. You are both stuck in an escalating conflict. You are wasting tremendous energy trying to overcome the other’s “resistance” while going nowhere. Talk about inefficiency!

There are three steps to transform this kind of fight into a dance. When you challenger pushes you,

1. Yield. Acknowledge her statement, modifying it slightly to attribute her opinion to her. For example, you would receive “You are wrong!” saying, “You think I’m wrong.” “This won´t work,” saying, “You believe this won´t work…” Or “We must act now,” saying, “You feel we must act now.”
   
2. Blend. Join her in a positive intention. Stand by her, looking in the same direction to see what she sees. For example, you could declare, “I want to correct any errors I am making,” or “I want to find what would work,” or “I want to take advantage of the opportunity as well.”
   
3. Extend. Inquire about the reasoning that leads her to her conclusion. “I hear what you think,” you can reassure her as you summarize her view. Followed by, “I want to understand also why you think what you think. Can you explain it to me?” For example, you can ask, “Where do you think I am wrong? Am I using wrong data, incorrect assumptions, or illogical inferences?” or “What makes you think it won’t work? What negative consequences do you foresee if we try it? What do you suggest we do instead?”

If she offers you a convincing argument, you can change your mind. “Thanks for correcting my calculation”, you might say gracefully, “I made a mistake.” Or “I thought that the risks of releasing a buggy product were too high. Your data makes me think differently now.” Yes, you may lose some face if people think that proving you are right is more important than finding what is right, but as a teacher once told me, “If you want to grow, you must love the truth more than you love your face.”

If you are not convinced but see that there is room doubt, you can explain, “My opinion has not changed, but I see that you have some valid points I need to consider. Let´s think of how we could move forward in a way that works for both of us.”

If you think the other’s objection is ungrounded, you might counter, “I don´t understand how you reach your conclusion. I see why the course of action I suggest is not convenient to you, but it still seems to me the best alternative for the company. What is the benefit for the company of releasing a beta version rather than waiting for the QA engineers to finish their job?”

These ideas are common sense, but not common practice. The difficulty is not intellectual but emotional. Like a martial art, knowing does not come from reading but from practicing. The good news is that you live in the dojo.

I have written a companion post with examples derived from challenging comments by readers. You can find it here.

I wonder what critical attacks you have experienced at work, and how have you responded. Let me know in your comments below.

Inspiration from Afghanistan to Nigeria

I had the most inspiring day. What's even better, is it was completely unexpected. 

Don't you love those life moments? Happiness that comes in the form of people you might not have known without the intervention of another person?

I'll back up one week.

I receive a lot of calls at work from people that want to help the women we train at Thunderbird for Good, or want to pitch an idea to us. 

I received a call from a woman who wanted to let me know that a woman from Kabul, a school owner, was coming to Phoenix to speak at ASU. While she was in the States, she specifically asked if she could visit Thunderbird, as she'd heard about us in Afghanistan. With such short notice, I wasn't sure how much interest I could drum up on campus. At the minimum, I told the woman caller, I would love to meet with her and hear her story. 

I woke up today with a bad ear ache. I was tired. I arrived at work with many, many emails to respond to. I was a little nervous that my ability to show an enthusiastic face to our guests was waning by the minute.

They arrived at 11am on the dot - if not a little early. I knew I needed to pull it together! I first met Vicky. She was full of energy and such positive enthusiasm for our meeting. It turns out, she is on the advisory board for an absolutely incredible organization called Project Cure. (I'll elaborate more later) 

Then little Shabana appeared. Little did I know, she is a 4'11" powerhouse. She just turned 23 years old. She attended Middlebury College on a full scholarship/grant through the US State Department. She graduated Magna Cum Laude. 

She was raised in the Taliban era. She was forbidden to attend school, but did so secretly. She cut her hair to look like a boy, so she could move freely on the streets of Kabul. Her parents told her that the would "only love her if she studied hard". They were not kidding. Her father was a General in the military, and her mother was a (clandestine) school teacher. They watched her nightly, making sure she and her siblings were studying hard, 7 days a week. Education was their solution to oppression. No matter what freedoms the Taliban were taking, they could never take their knowledge. 

She re-iterates that the support she received from her grandfather and father to complete her schooling created her passion for creating The Sola School. Her grandfather was even disowned by his family for insisting his daughters attend school. She credits her courage, tenacity, and motivation to her parents. 

I was absolutely blown away by Shabana's visit, the mission and goals of her school, etc. I was certainly no longer feeling sick or tired. I was completely energized by her.

Net Impact leadership team, meeting with Shabana

We have a full-time student at Thunderbird that happens to be a Cardinals football player. Sam Acho founded Living Hope Ministries with his family. Living Hope Ministries' goal is to provide medical assistance in Nigeria. Back to Vicky.... Project Cure donates medical supplies, technology, machines, etc. on a global scale. Last year, they donated over $50 MILLION in medical devices around the world.  Sam happened to be eating lunch while Shabana was meeting with students. It was great to introduce Vicky and Sam -- hopefully Project Cure will be able to donate supplies for Sam's next trip to Nigeria in June. He's also getting married while he's there (breaking news!)!!! So amazing!

Shabana and Sam

If you have a few minutes, please watch Shabana Basij-Rasikh's (founder of Sola School in Afghanistan), TED talk. Shabana is remarkable…. She’s created an incredibly successful model for educating Afghan youth and has been recognized by Amazon/Google/Facebook/LinkedIn and many other companies who have gotten behind her cause. She’ll speak this year at the Clinton Global Initiative on a panel with Chelsea Clinton. 

Shabana told us a hilarious story about President Karzai. She did an interview with Christiane Amanpour right after the Malala shooting. Shabana received an email from Karzai's people, asking to "discuss her views from her CNN interview". She didn't respond. 

A few weeks later, she received a Facebook  message from Karzai's people. She didn't respond. 

Next, she received a call from the US Embassy: "The President has been trying to get ahold of you."  She said she knew. But she didn't know why, or if it was a good thing. She was assured that it was for good. So, she finally responded to Karzai. 

He invited her to a one-on-one lunch. She said hello and "what do you need". ha! He let her know that he had been trying to reach her for 4 months, and that he'd like to give her a job as his spokesperson. She respectfully declined. He promised 100 acres in downtown Kabul for her school..... Absolutely amazing. I am so so so excited to watch her grow, progress, connect, and succeed. This woman is on FIYAH!!!!!